Random thoughts… that don’t make sense.

MY BRAIN:

SPIRAL

Disclaimer: I send myself text messages about the random shit that I think about. And typically SAY OUT LOUD TO MYSELF. I also jot notes on an index card. The thoughts don’t make any sense… orrrrrrrrrrr maybe they do. Yay Autism Spectrum šŸ˜€ (the best kind of people, if you ask me!). (I had a notebook with [I swear to God] HYSTERICAL SHIT …. butttttttttttttt I can’t find it… and I just sent Ben on a mission to search my car annnnnnnnnnd… the search was unsuccessful)… I’ll try to remember what I wrote (borrrrrring)………… If I talk about a “Ben”… that’s my husband. He told me he’d let me know when I say bizarre shit this week so I can write about it… OKKKKKKK, ready to go. Also, I’ve been drinking. Don’t listen to a word I say. Forgive any typos.

Someone was telling me to park somewhere specific one time at work and I needed more detail and she said to me “Anywhere is fine… as long as it’s out of the way”. I automatically thought “OMG. That’s my credo for life in general”

Using caffeine as a replacement for meds… now I know why people are addicted to it and drink WAY TOO MUCH COFFEE.

I hate having tunnel vision when speaking to someone. His/her voice is SO LOUD but… IĀ can’t hear them!!!! All I can concentrate on is the volume… and nothing else. I’m a horrible person.

One day it probably won’t be better… but it may FEEL better… the next day you may feel like shit again but fuck it…. statistically…you should at least feel better again. Yeah, let’s stick with that.

(Disclaimer: I live in South Florida and after a rain storm [everyday at 2pm during the Summer] a plague of fucking toads STAND IN THE ROAD, waiting for death)…. Dear Plague of Suicidal Frogs, if it’s that bad, you should’ve talked to someone about it, but….why am I giving you advice? It’s too late for that. And please, commit suicide in front of someone else’s car. Someone who isn’t emotionally attached to Nature.

I write scrambley ramblies (scramble rambles, what?)

Hul-la-la-la-la-la-la (kinda like Huddddle-uddle-uddle as well) (the noise I made when I don’t know what to say, it makes the other person feel awkward and I don’t have to explain myself) (or when I feel a cringing sensation)

Rapid fire “HooooHooooHoooo” sound. The sound I make when I need something when I don’t know what. BenĀ calls it the Hoo Machine Gun.

Something that made me think a lot, something I got from my grandmother… “Fools names are like their faces, always seen in public places” (my grandmother said that my great grandmother used to say this)….

PSA: Hazard lights are NOT FOR RAIN STORMS. Get used to it, it fucking rains here. Annnnd I hate you.

(Circumstance: There was a sugar ant on my bed) *squishes ant* “Aww… now I feel bad… but c’mon Mr. Ant… just because I spilled cherry limeade on my bed 3 days ago doesn’t mean I sent an invitation to come investigate. It’s really your fault you died. Why am I telling you this? You’re dead. Fuck, now I feel bad… I’m sorry Mr. Ant, thank you for the work that you do for the environment…” I’m a horrible person… yes, I washed my sheets

Why am I always feeling guilty for killing frogs and ants when I have no choice? Damn things.

Every time one of the cats approaches Ben, I say “*sweet voice* awwww, how sweet… *demonic voice* BUT HE LOVES HIS MOMMY MORE”

Sometimes when you touch a window or a sliding glass door (preferred, yeah? you can stand, it feels more real)… you can feel the weather. And you can connect with something bigger than yourself. Without it being some sort of controversial God or higher being that you have to question, or others force you to question. It’s WEATHER. It’s real; you can see and feel it. After watching the weather outside, and it can be any kind of weather, touch the glass… close your eyes… zone out. Open your eyes, absorb theĀ feeling of the weather. You don’t have to find the right words to communicate… you justĀ feelĀ  it. And it makes sense without words. Perfect for people like us. OR… you could actually go outside to feel it LOL… I’m hypersensitive and don’t have to physically feel weather or emotions (or the emotions of the weather…) toĀ understandĀ it. I can feel it in my veins and I can float away.

OMG I just got dizzy and my ears got clogged and at the exact same time, my phone froze. Was I just radiated?

(Situation: Bad storm outside, I’m standing by the front door) *feels wave of tiredness and I express an exasperated breath* “OMG Ben…did you just feel that?” At the same time that I’m talking, the power goes out. I literally FELT the wave (? what?) of the electricity failing.

I think I’m an empath. Ā I can’t fucking find any credible sources when it comes to empaths because… well, it’s not a credible topic lol. I feel shit. Like other people’s emotions. Example: I knew that the guy in front of me at the dollar store was dying of a cancer that he didn’t know he had… I can also feel weather. I can feel the emotions of someone affected by a tragic accident… even when they live no where near me… I can feel someone’s aura by putting my hand a few inches from their body (open palm). Ā I don’t know. Not saying I’m “special” by any means. I just feel things differently than others, really. Or, I make the whole shit up, that could be true as well. At least it feels cool

(Situation: Someone asks me about a topic that I know so much about, I’ve written research papers on…) *can’t find words, hopefully I’m cute and funny enough to get by in life* *anxiety attack* LOL

 

 

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